It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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