My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
