did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
