i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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