idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
