when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
