I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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