Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish you could order shots online.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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