I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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