dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Randomize