He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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