dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize