that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
