what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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