it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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