is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
