are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize