did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
