Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
