Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
