Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
