what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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