I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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