Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
