Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
