All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
We named our party play list daddy issues
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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