i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
