I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
