i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
