I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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