1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize