Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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