You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize