You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
