1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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