final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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