take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
