i already hear my dad disowning me
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
