My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
