if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
