i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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