its not stalking. its research.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
