the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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