Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We are two peas in an std pod
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
