"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I checked into jail on foursquare
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
