My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
