What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
