Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
