there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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