My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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