I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
