I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
