Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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