I love black thongs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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