she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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