okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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