Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
