Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
