I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
