a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
