Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
