Yo dont text me then not text me
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
