I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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