Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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