I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize