it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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